Past,Present and Future

i'm back! haha

2010-07-23T22:35:00.002+08:00

After more than half a year...leaving my blog unattended..
until recently a person reminds me of this blog
which i've almost forgotten about since
i dont have the habit of blogging.
Life has been good...
feels like taking a roller coaster ride..
up and down..
things are happening real fast.
time flies and there goes 7months of my life.
left Monash and found myself (back)in Taylors.
taking commerce degree at Unisa.
a change of environment and friends.
feel a bit lost at the beginning.
resistance to change hits me..
it took me sometime to readjust my pace
look forward what's waiting for me ahead

Many things have changed over this 7 months..
i shall start with my family..
i can never confront my parents honestly
when it comes to outing, my life at uni,
with friends..
i have to lie to my parents just to hangout with my friends for a movie
not like i'm doing smtg illegal..
i never learnt how to communicate with my parents as i cannot remember how...
i've tried many times..i failed and gave up..
Change took place when i met this person.
she live in an almost opposite world from mine.
she taught me that it is not that hard to speak openly to my parents.
i realise that there are many things i know but i dint do.
but that all belong to the past..

Today, i can speak freely to my parents.
tell them how i feel.what i think.what i want.
and most importantly is why.not how or what.
well.. thanks fatchel!really.

Ps:9th of July is a day filled with tears and joy..But it is worth it =)

Time to let go.Time to move on.

2009-12-23T01:28:00.003+08:00

For those who knw me for long and well updated will know that i had some hard time in my relationship.
Sorry for those i dint inform u all.i duwan to worry u all.
But..here comes the word but..
now after sometime.i've decided to let go.it's more than just forgiving,
cuz i nvr hate the person involved.
i nvr hate her but in the other way round.
i thank her for the memories.
they are memorable ones...

if u are reading this.i'm very sorry for burdening u sometime ago.
i'm back now.we are still frens.
aren't we ? =)
i'll be there whenever u need a hand.

Exams over! what's next?

2009-11-27T20:07:00.003+08:00

Exam's over~
But as the result release date draw closer
*gulp*
Well really wish all the monashians Good luck then..
hopefully Dr Soo close one eye~
Mr Alvin dont see my "extra line" on the graph ><
in short..hope so we can all pass this hurdle ba!
by the way.. those who register for result msg alert...
i heard from Denisa (second sem student)
that it'll strike u earlier and unexpected manner
hopefully my heart is strong enough to take THAT blow
cuz i registered for it too...crap!
hahaha..

what's next!
"Go work!!" mum says~
well~ searching then~....anyone looking for a part timer?
i'm a good employee~ hehe

Finals!!!!! urgh~

2009-10-27T23:08:00.002+08:00

First time ever semester finals in uni...
gonna get through it!
so there wont be any updates till the exam's over~ hehe
gonna have my first paper on this thurs morning(marketing)
All the best for all mkw1120 students
and all the best and luck for my dear friends who shares the same faith
>>>>exam>>>> =)

Complicated to Simple

2009-10-19T22:57:00.005+08:00

Things are not going the way i want them to be.
Am i now...
Upset?
Down?
Lost?
Frustrated?
Hatred?
Angry?
Disappointed?
Losing heat?
Heartless?
sad to say i hit quite a few on the list but at the same time
i'm glad to find out
i dont feel frustrated..erm maybe abit actually~
not hating anyone~
neither angry at anyone~

i have seen many wonder around the line of LOVE and HATRED.
which is sad...
always ask myself.
"Before split apart,loving each other so much and why must things END with frustration?with hatred?"
Loving a person to death this momment and hate the person to death the next.
creating such negative brain waves do no good to both parties...i believe.

Letting go is also an option如果得不到，放弃也是一种选择。(Quote from suat wei ^^).it's valid and bring less harm to both hearts.
can u imagine how tiring can it be to kill your precious brain cells and leaving your body with more cancer cells just because a person,an unpleasant occation,a sad momment?i personally think this is much more cruel and terrible punishment than physical ones.man! get some life and get over the past!

So...
We should live in the present with our past guiding us from behind,
and the future showing us the way to go!
And not living in the past and miss everything nice u have now and those waiting u ahead.

So will always remind myself to 看破，放下，自在。
See through things,Let go of them,Feel free~
=)

Embrace Change??

2009-10-15T23:20:00.002+08:00

CHANGE,something unfamiliar?Distant?
I wonder how differently it is defined in everyone's dictionary.
I always think that i'm more capable or better than others in handling change
but apparently i'm wrong all these while.
I always keep my hopes low.
I always expect least.
I always negative.
I always lack of confident in myself.
I always doubt my capability.
I always afraid that i will lose something i have now.
I always scare that i will be alone.
I always fear that nobody will love me.
I always try to convince myself by sayin" Jin! u can do it!"
I always afraid that i cant give what ppl around me expect me to be able to.
the list is way too long...probably will never ends.

Do u feel what i feel?
Do we feel the same or it's only me?

There're one million and one things in the world that's out of our control.
I cant be sure any would be under my control now or in the future.
But for sure one thing i know.
We all have 100% control over ourselves.
I cant change the way people do things, or i cant change what is happening around me.
I cant stop changes from occuring.
But i notice that i've an Ultimate weapon in countering Change!
i can change my way of interpreting and see things as how things change.things are always two sided,just like a coin!

So lets think about it...
well i know for now i cant have her.though how much i feel for her.
due to parents,strings,and everything..complicated matters.
but come to think of it.i should be happy!reason being
1.how many can never find someone they really love?but i'd found mine!
2.how many could ever find someone that speaks to their heart?i did!
3.how many people wished to be loved and to love someone in return?i'm one of them!
4.how many lucky guys could find a girl who is decent,nice,kind and lovely?i'm the lucky one
5.it's an opportunity for both of us to grow together,which many couple dont have the chance to.
6.we have sufficient time to test how true the feeling is.time can tell from a love and lust. And we have plenty.
7.i know in the end of the day. No matter what happens. We will still be frens! good friends! that's is a promise. And will be kept.=)

I dunno what will happen tmr,but i will treasure what i have now. before things change,before i lose the opportunity.so lets grab hold of our opportunity tight and dont regret k?

Sick!Terribly Sick> <

2009-10-15T22:03:00.002+08:00

6-10-2009.Always show off by telling my friends how fit i'm.Till last tues, morning right before accounting lecture headache hits me hard following by fever in Audi1. When i touch Ian he claim that i'm even warmer than him but i'm like freezing like in north pole+headache(which make the lecture a very unpleasant one).Trying hard to complete my marketing presentation slides but nothing much can be done(due to the terrible headache) but thanks to Victor who helped out(i owe u another one Vic!)my slides are near to completion.Btw thanks for the panadol Heng Luen and Mel~
Thanks a million phei! for sending me back~made u drive all the way to monash>< still feel bad now for causing such trouble...
dad sent me to TDMC(taman desa medical center) at night and my temperature rise till 39.6 H1N1 negative, platelets count-190and got a jab at my butt(it hurts for more than 5 days man!wonder did i offend the nurse in a way or another!><).fever subsided after the fever injection, got some rest that night..

7-10-2009.Wed.The fever strikes back on wed evening and i couldnt sleep throughout the whole night even with the air-cond on..

8-10-2009Thurs.Dizzy the whole morning,went to a clinic and temperature rise to 39.4 appparently.Doctor gave me stronger medicine to surpress the fever.(the headache is killing!feels like exploding) Things get better after taking the medication.Doctor also suggest me to do Dengue test on the forth day of fever(tmr)

9-10-2009Fri.everything seems fine~no fever,little headache only.dint plan to go TDMC to do blood test. Things got worse in the evening. So went and did the blood test....guess what?platelets count drop to 46!!!(normal count is >150). Great! got emitted.sigh..=(
sry Phei! i lied to u that i'm ok that night,cuz i duwan to spoil yr birthday(sat).

10-10-2009Sat.Had a sleepless night.the patient next to me was mourning the whole night(he got stone in his kidney >< must be very painful la..)A nurse came over to take my blood for blood test at 6am.Had fried rice for breakfast(no appetite cuz doc told me i'm Dengue positive just b4 my breakfast!)

11-10-2009Sun.Again nurse came and took my blood at 6 am! >< dont like it..my platelets count fall to26~ sigh...suddenly miss uni and studying alot..

12-10-2009Mon-My platelets count rised from 26 to 29!!! i can leave TDMC atlast!!!!BUT!parents insist me to stay another night.sigh

13-10-2009Tues.Atlast!i'm out from TDMC in the morning..i feel so weak..cant do anything..well Monash!! here i come!!!!tommorow la...

I see alot of things in these few days when i'm terribly sick and while emitted in TDMC.
1.My parents actually care for me much more than i tot.Yea..though i get scolding all the time,but i can see they're really worried about me.I told a fren of mine when i'm emitted in TDMC.i'm probably one of the riches guy in the world!Cuz i've so many people who loves me and care for me in this world!!this is something money cant buy.

2.I've alot of friends who actually care for me.tho i dint tell them i
'm emitted unless they found out,cuz i duwan to make them worry about me..thx for visiting me while i'm emitted.i feel very warmth when i know u guys are there to support me when i need.Special thx to Shuu Phei, Chimp, Sheng Yeong and lyn!

3.There are people who suffers more than i do.especially after seeing the indian guy next to me mourned in pain the whole night.even though i've bone ache and feels uncomfortable,but i bet my pain is nothing compare to him.and i'm so lucky to be alive now!i've an uncle of mine die of dengue fever on the 5th day after knowing he was hit by dengue fever.

4.Treasure and learn to embrace what we have,before things change,before everything is too late...

Where is she??

2009-09-29T23:53:00.001+08:00

Always wanted to be loved and to love someone.
was waiting for the girl to come.
was not patient enough.
couldnt stay and just wait.
went in and out of crushes.
empty handed.
heart is losing heat.
it's getting colder and colder.

i know i'm choosey.
cuz i aint want to fool around.
cuz i want something true and and simple.
not the complicated ones.
in the end of the wishing list.
(screw the list!)
i just need a girl.
who understand me well.
speaks to my heart like how it speak to her.
hold my hands and show me the way when i'm lost.
give me a hug when i'm cold and terrified.
the body heat speaks.
hugs are meaningless unless it's true.
true refers to pure and real feelings.
nothing more...

have i found her??
is she the one??
am i the one she's looking for??
question by question flies through my head.
i'm tired...very.
tired of flying.from one to another crush.
(wonder why traffic control in my love traffic is so bad)
i want to land.somewhere safe.
found the airport.seems to be the correct one.
parking's full.
shall i land??

"one thing you can be sure of,
i never ask for more than your love."
-nothing is gonna change my love for you-